


Into Dust

by Emerald



Category: Moonlight (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-13
Updated: 2010-10-13
Packaged: 2017-10-14 23:02:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/154429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emerald/pseuds/Emerald
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Having just buried Beth, Mick's ultimate realisation seems to have come at a very inopportune moment. Love might not always have the best sense of timing, but when it comes to the one you're meant to be with...Love is perfect.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Into Dust

**Author's Note:**

> Written for both the Moonlightaholics Champagne Challenge #120 and Moonlight Fanfics Halloween Challenge 2010

The first time Mick had fallen, it had been a mistake, or so he tried to tell himself. A few too many freshly tapped veins imbibed with liquor, one too many tastes of drug laced blood. It was easy to put it down to experimentation under the influence.

The second time was a little harder. There was emotion in that second time, sober emotion. A feeling that he could really care, could ‘love’ even. He’d pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind, made up endless excuses, ‘Vampires were expected to do this sort of thing’, ‘He was just lonely, confused after what had happened with Coraline’, ‘It was just a case of mixed signals’, over, and over again.

Josef stood next to him now. Mick felt his hand slip into his, felt Josef’s fingers entwine with his own, squeeze gently. They had positioned themselves some distance away, shaded by one of the large cedar oak trees that lined the cemetery, out of sight. It had to be this way. After a certain point, Mick had ceased to exist in Beth’s life, at least to the outside world.

Mick watched as they prepared to lower the coffin into the ground. Decided he had seen enough. He didn’t want to remember her like this, didn’t want the last image of Beth to be a rosewood box.

“I think I’ve seen enough.” Mick swallowed, once, dampened down a flood of emotion, and then spoke to no one in particular.

“Sure.”

Josef nodded his understanding, turned with Mick to walk away. Mick couldn’t help note Josef hadn’t let go of his hand. He could feel the rhythm of their arms swinging in perfect unison as they walked, felt Josef’s thigh beneath his suit pants as his fingers occasionally brushed against Josef’s side. It felt comfortable, it felt easy.

 _It felt just like it always had…_

Mick furrowed his brow at the realisation, became lost in contemplation for a moment. Was it really that simple? Had he realised this before, and chosen to ignore it? Mick decided the answer was, “probably.” He stole a quick glance at Josef, tried to summon up the perfect, crystalline image of how he felt in that moment. Coraline had been a raging inferno, burning so brightly she consumed all in her path, Beth had been the comfort of a warm log fire, something you curled up in front of to feel safe, and warm, Josef was…

 _…A single, flickering candle, hardly noticeable at first, but perfect in its simplicity. A solitary, slow burning flame, destined to burn for all eternity._

“You ok?”

The sound of Josef’s voice pulled Mick out of his reverie, before he had time to contemplate metaphors about candles, and eternal flames too closely. Maybe that was for the best. Divine providence, Mick thought for a moment, a perfectly timed interruption, a note from above to let things unfold in their own time.

“Yeah, I’m...” Mick hesitated for a moment, uncertain whether or not there was a particular way he was supposed to feel. He decided it didn’t matter, not with Josef at least. Josef never expected anything in particular, at least not in that sense. “I’m ok.”

“That’s good to hear.”

They were nearly back at the car when Mick spoke again; wondering out loud at Josef’s subdued form.

“Well as much as I would have loved to dance a highland fling on your dearly departed’s grave,” Josef answered with an arched brow grin, a certain emphasis placed on his words, as if he’d been seriously contemplating such an event, “I did think it might just be a touch inappropriate.”

Almost in spite of himself Mick laughed. “I knew I could count on you to lighten the mood no matter what.”

“Wonderful,” Josef deadpanned, “I’ll start hiring myself out as a clown service.”

“It’d suit you,” Mick shrugged, and pretended to look nonplussed at Josef’s remark, “You’d do a roaring trade. You should definitely consider it as a sideline business.”

“Oh,” Josef arched a faux curious eyebrow, a facetious smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, “and what do you suggest I call this new business venture of mine?”

“I don’t know, how about ‘Rent a Snark’,” Mick gestured as if he were spelling out the words on signage.

“Mick?”

“What?”

Josef held the passenger side door of the car open, and gestured towards the empty bucket seat inside. “Get in the car.”

Supressing the bubble of laughter that welled from his lips, Mick did as he was told, watching as Josef walked around to the driver’s side door, climbed into the driver’s seat, and then hesitated as he reached forward to place the key in ignition.

“Mick, you know you don’t have to pretend to be okay around me.” Josef sat back in his seat a moment, reached out a hand to place under Mick’s chin, bade Mick look at him. His head cocked slightly, brow furrowed with concern as he studied Mick’s features.

“Yeah, I know.” Mick smiled, and took hold of Josef’s fingers, shifted them up to his lips, placed a single kiss. A spontaneous gesture of reassurance, “I know.”

Mick saw the way Josef looked at him then. As if the world had fallen away, and only the two of them remained, encapsulated in a perfect sphere of time, and space. He felt something stir inside, a sensation…

 _… A sensation of falling – his body drawn forwards, falling, wanting to fall, into Josef’s arms, his gaze, his touch, the scent of him…_

For a moment Mick felt dizzy with need, with want, his mind hurtling through space at a hundred miles an hour, threatening to go supernova at any given moment.

He wasn’t ready for this, wasn’t prepared for any of it. Christ, Mick stroked frustrated fingers across his forehead, Beth wasn’t even cold in the ground, and here he was falling…

Mick felt another sensation stir inside him.

 _Retreat._

Realising this time there would be no perfectly timed interruption; no divine providence stepping in to slow things down, or bring them to a halt all together, Mick began to talk, tripping over a cacophony of vowels, and consonants, anything to cover the silence where thoughts and knowledge could breed.

“Yeah, you know, I really am fine. I’m ok, I didn’t think I would be, but it’s weird man, I loved her, but she’s gone, and it’s ok. It doesn’t feel as bad as I thought it would. Maybe after Coraline, and you, you know you helped me to move past all that, those long talks we use to have, with you going on about Buddhist monks, carrying little old ladies across rivers, and then Beth, Beth had come along, and it was like that part of my life was over, and Beth was there, and it was great, you know, it was wonderful, but we both knew it couldn’t last, I mean not in a Vampire kind of way, I mean Beth was mortal, she never wanted to be turn, so…Yeah, it’s ok, it’s all gonna be okay.”

Those last words Mick had muttered more to himself, staring out the passenger side window as he did so.

Josef waited until he was sure Mick had finished, before he gunned the engine.

“Your place or mine?”

“Mine, I guess.” Mick fiddled with the dials on Josef’s car stereo, finally settled on a radio station he liked, and cranked the volume.

A few moments later they were both standing on the balcony of Mick’s high rise apartment, watching as the sun set over the buildings, and streets below. Mick thought back to another time, him, and Beth, just after the whole mess with Donovan Shepherd. Shepherd had been sentenced to die at 12.04 am, got to live a little longer thanks to some not so divine intervention. He’d come after Beth; come after the girl who’d help put him away. Mick had protected them both. He’d stood out here with Beth after it was all over. They’d watched the sun rise together, and Beth had spoken about Guardian Angels, her Guardian Angel, as Mick had shielded his eyes from the light. Later Beth would jokingly refer to it as their ’12.04 moment’.

That’s what this felt like now. It was 12.04 all over again, only this time he was standing here with Josef. And it felt like a part of him was ending, as the last rays of light sunk below the horizon, only to be replaced by an unknown promise hanging amidst the Moon, and stars that rose in the night sky.

“Here.”

Mick felt a glass pressed into his hand, accepted it gratefully, and drained the contents in two quick mouthfuls.

“Thanks.”

Josef slipped his arms around Mick’s waist, rested his chin atop Mick’s shoulder. “You still okay?”

“Yeah,” Mick smiled, and nodded, seeming a little distracted as he placed a hand over Josef’s forearm wrapped around him, “just thinking.”

“Thinking?” Josef shifted to Mick’s side, pretended to eye him suspiciously for a moment, and then tongue in cheeked, “Are you planning on philosophising? Because if you are, do let me know. I’ll gather some supplies; we could be in for a long night.”

“Very funny.” Mick raised his eyes skywards, shook his head at Josef standing next to him grinning like a loon, pretended to sigh with weary impatience at his friend’s antics. And then his expression shifted serious. “No, I…do you remember that time when I thought I might have had a kid, before I became a vampire?” It was a rhetorical question, Mick hurried on without waiting for Josef’s response. “You spoke about being jealous, and how even if you’d had kids they’d all be dust by now. I was just thinking of Beth, that I loved Beth that way too…”

“...I’m sorry, I don’t…?”

“…Into dust, I mean. I loved her into dust. I mean that’s what she’ll become, eventually.”

“And you’re planning to hold onto her for that long?” Josef smoothed a hand over Mick’s hair, tangled absentminded fingers in its length, stroked the back of Mick’s neck, “I thought you said you were okay with her being gone.”

“I am. I didn’t…I mean beyond that …Christ.” Mick gritted his teeth in frustration. He’d been trying to lead into something, somewhere along the way everything had gotten mixed up. “Do you love me?”

The words were out of Mick’s mouth before he’d even had time to consider what he was about to say.

 _No more retreat. No more wishing for divine providence to step in, and slow things down. No more covering silences where thoughts and knowledge could breed._

“What?” Josef took a step back, eyed Mick quizzically. His head tilted slightly, brow furrowed with puzzlement this time. “You know I do. I’m your closest…”

“…No, not like that.”

Josef had been about to say ‘friend’, but Mick had meant something else, something more. Josef looked at Mick standing in front of him now, his teeth working distractedly across the pad of his thumb, waiting for Josef to respond as if the rest of his existence depended solely on the words that would be uttered forth from Josef’s lips.

“Ah.” Josef gave a raised brow smile of acknowledgement.

“Ah?” Mick’s own manner suddenly shifted defensive, “what do you mean, ‘ah’?

“Ah,” Josef stated with overtones of exaggerated helpfulness, “It’s sort of like ‘Oh’, only with an A instead of an O.”

“Josef…”

“…I’m sorry,” Josef looked suitably contrite at the sound of Mick’s exasperation. And then he took a step forward. “Close your eyes.”

This time it was Mick’s turn to eye Josef suspiciously. “Why?”

Josef shrugged, “You’re asking me if I’m in love with you. Close your eyes.”

Mick hesitated, swallowed back a lump of nerves, and let his eyes fall shut. He felt Josef’s hands clutching either side of his skull, felt himself being drawn into Josef’s space, Josef’s forehead rested against his own. And then Josef was kissing him.

Mick groaned, arched into the sensation. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but something was different. Josef’s lips had only lightly brushed the surface of his own at first, and then Josef had deepened the kiss, slowly, until he was kissing Mick the way he was now. And it felt…  
 _  
Perfect._

That was the difference, Mick realised. It was as if Josef had taken every emotion, every feeling, every expression of love either of them had ever wanted to say to one another, and contained it in one, perfect, kiss.

Josef broke the kiss a few moments later. Smiled as he drew his arms around Mick’s waist, pressed his forehead once more to Mick’s own, stood there, and swayed with him in time to an imagined beat.

“Does that answer your question?”

Josef leant back in Mick’s arms then, waited for a response, any response. Mick looked as if he weren’t sure whether to burst into tears, throw himself into Josef’s arms, run, or all three - possibly at the same time, not necessarily in that order.

“Oh for the love of,” Josef rolled his eyes with mock disdain, “please don’t go all lifetime movie on me, Mick.”

And then it seemed like Josef was having the immortality squeezed out of him, Mick suddenly pulling him back close, hugging him for all he was worth.

“Option b, nice choice,” Josef thought, as he was sure he felt a rib about to crack.

Mick was babbling then. Going on about fear, and denial, and the realisation he’d had back at the cemetery. And he knew the timing was all wrong considering the circumstances, but it still felt right to him. And Christ this was nuts...

Josef visibly flinched when Mick used the word ‘baby’, not once, but twice. Mick seemed oblivious. Josef wondered if indeed Mick had finally gone off the deep end. He’d always thought Mick a little unstable at times, with his obsession about shuffling off this immortal coil, and ability to hold a love-hate grudge for close to fifty two years running. It had been an emotional day. Josef had offered what support he could, but maybe it hadn’t been enough.

“Mick.” Josef patted Mick’s shoulder, began to gently extricate himself from Mick’s embrace.

“What?”

Mick at least had stopped rambling then.

“Call me baby again, and I will throw you off this balcony.”

Mick released his stranglehold on Josef, took a step back, laughed a little self-consciously, and then offered his apologies. “Sorry, guess I got a little carried away there for a moment. This is all just…”

“Yeah, I know,” Josef interjected, before Mick had a chance to launch into another round of rapid fire catharsis. Pent up emotions, everything must go. Not that Josef didn’t care, he’d been waiting for Mick to come round, sensed that something was happening, some paradigm shift in their relationship. They had a lifetime to talk about this though, more than a lifetime. For now, Josef just wanted to enjoy the moment. “I know, Mick.”

Inviting Mick back into his embrace, Josef brushed the side of his face against Mick’s own, inhaled Mick’s scent, a tender hand stroking the nape of Mick’s, tendrils of Mick’s hair curled around his fingers.

“I love you.”

Mick rested his chin on Josef’s shoulder, smiled contentedly at the words he had heard Josef speak. The two of them wrapped up in each other, oblivious to the outside world, swaying in time to an imagined beat.

“So what now?”

Josef resisted the urge to state the obvious, it was clear they would end up there soon enough.

“We’ve got the rest of eternity. We’ll figure it out, we always have.”

In the distance, Mick could just make out the strains of a song coming from some far away, open window. A woman’s voice, snatches of lyrics…

 _Still falling  
Breathless and on again  
Inside today  
Beside me today..._

Mick buried his face into the side of Josef’s neck, inhaled Josef’s scent, held tight as he thought about the words being sung.

 _“And two strangers turning into dust…”_

They would love each other beyond that, beyond the world they knew today, beyond the ravages of time…

 _“We’ve got the rest of eternity. We’ll figure it out, we always have.”_

Josef’s lips were pressed once more against Mick’s own.

It was perfect. This moment, right here, and now. The moon and the stars that rose in the night sky above, the sensation of their bodies melting one into the other, the feel of their lips pressed together, emotions that had been revealed, and exchanged.

It was perfect. Everything about it…

…was perfect.

They…

 _…were perfect._


End file.
